Well I'm not drunk right now. And the whole ambition thing is just gonna be on the backburner until real class starts on Sept. 17. But I'm sick as a diggity dog. And barring any unforseen quiet nights, it should only get worse from here.
Today was the first day I've comfortably worn shorts. And man was I comfortable.
But that was after the 3 hour fiasco I like to call my Friday morning. Today's Intensive Czech lesson was supplanted by a program wide trip to the Czech/Prague police department so that we can all have our visas registered and won't be taken to gulags or some shit. Well, I woke up a little late (well, the cleaning lady woke me up, and I was very late) so I had to navigate myself there. As clean and well-labeled and as fairly simple as the entire Czech public transportation system is, it is inevitable that a solo-sojourn into the suburbs of Prague to a police station that doesn't even have a fucking sign that says "Poliz or Politizca" or any sign at all will be a convoluted, ass-backwards adventure. And today was no exception.
I managed to get to my metro jump-off spot just fine (Karlovo Namesti - Charles Square), but three early car departures, one misdirected bus trip, and seven calls to Hon (pronounced "Jan," who is a particularly fantastic member of our "Czech Buddy" team) later, I arrived at the police department. Only to find out that Ivana, one of the program coordinators who the night before told me she was 90% sure she had my passport in her possession, did not have my passport in her possession. And I did not have my passport in my possession. So I left. As much as I wanted to join the giant CIEE hangover that was festering in the police station lobby, I was not having anything short of my undersized bed in my spacious single room. So I mumbled and grumbled the entire way home about how my irresponsible program leader lost the single most important document I own as an American staying in a very foreign country for a prolonged period of time. And then I got home and found my passport. Guess I'm the asshole.
I returned home to the mountain of laundry that had magically amassed itself against one of the walls in my room. Seriously, like 700 pounds of laundry. Every single clothing item I brought minus my tweed sportcoat and my C-Webb michigan jersey was stuffed into the European (read: undersized) laundry bin that another one of the Czech buddies - Mishka, a major sweetheart - lent me on day 1. Now let me tell you something, I hate doing laundry. There's a reason I purchased the double-king size portable laundry bin from Target, and there's a reason that same laundry bin is about 2 loads away from evaporating into thin air. Ya boy owns and wears a lot of clothing, and ya boy likes to do laundry about once a month. Well turns out I couldn't fit all 22 of my v-necks, among other luxuries, into my suitcase, so I packed a little light and I only have about 2 weeks worth of clothes here. All of which was shoved into a corner and stankin' my room up to high heaven.
So I started the laundry process at approximately 11 am. It is now 7:45 pm, and one load (ONE FUCKING LOAD) has made it into the dryer. The washing machine in the basement has a TWO HOUR cycle period. TWO HOURS. How the fuck hasn't someone in the Czech republic said, "Wow, I spend 20% of my week doing laundry because we manufacture extremely inefficient laundering appliances. This should change. Maybe we can that new Maytag or even a GE from 1982 and we could spend that 20% of our lives rethinking our conception of breakfast [much more on this later]." I thought doing laundry in Finlay sucked. But no, I'd take some jackass shifting my load of whites around 7 times and leaving a trail of sticky notes about it over this slow bullshit any day of the week. Doing laundry in the Czech Republic sucks.
What's even worse than just your basic laundry frustration, however, is having to panhandle for the 60 crown-per-load (approx. $3) from the girls that live on your floor. I got pickpocketed 8 days ago. I informed TD bank about this 8 days ago. I asked them to ship me a new debit card 8 days ago. 8 days from then, I'm still without a debit card, and I'm about $130 in the hole with 3 different kids. Word to the wise, if you're studying abroad, get yourself a MAJOR BANK DEBIT CARD. Same thing happened to two other dudes in the program. Their cards were at a Prague Fedex location within 48 hours. TD bank, on the other hand, is still recycling the asian grocery bags it will use to make my new card. But I digress..
Not wanting to badger anyone else for another loan, I decided to exchange the approx. $260 american cash I was saving for a trip to a EU country (more euro bang for your buck with dollars than czech crowns). Josh told me I'd get the best exchange rate at a casino. Well, Josh, two casinos and two offers of 14 crowns to the dollar later, I've decided you do not get the best exchange rate at a casino. You get the best exchange rate at a changing house. Go figure. So after I changed out of my sweaty long-sleeve outfit and into some cool shorts and a light fliggity flannel, I headed back out into the jungle we call Prague.
Got to Karlovo Namesti just fine. I've gotten leg 1 of the transportation system down pat. But it should come as no surprise that I got lost as FUCK from there. Seeing as the absolutely-non-english-speaking and mildly bitter employees at T-Mobile-CZ refused me the data plan, I've been without google maps for a fortnight and I'm just dying. Honestly, how in God's name did people get anywhere that wasn't routine without gmaps? Either everyone was smarter in 1999, or people spent a lot of time being lost. I sure as shit have. So I gave up on the change house bing! recommended and went somewhere else. Flexibility is the name of the game, fellas.
After my tram ride home to Karlovo Namesti (it's really just the metro that fucks you up. at least when you're above ground you can see that you're nowhere near where you want to be), I stopped off at the Czech-equivalent of a Korean green-grocer to grab some room food. Although the grapes were not seedless (I discovered this after I eagerly scooped a bunch and popped one, putting me past the point of no grape return), the strawberries were the most pristine little pieces of fruit I've seen in years. I polished those off on the walk home. Fuckin' delicious.
Which is surprising, considering most of everything I've purchased in a grocery store has been super mediocre. The restaurant food has been almost fully satisfactory, and the street food BLOWS, but the grocery store food lies somewhere in between, on the BLOWS side of the fence. I think I'm probably just not buying the right things (there's actually a pretty good selection of western-looking food, it just has czech-looking labels, which are entirely incomprehensible and unintuitable), so I'm just gonna do the trial and error thing and hope for the best. Shit is definitely cheap though.
One bone I absolutely have to pick is the Czech breakfast. I won't rant, for ranting changes nothing, though I wish it did. But really, sliced gouda, salami, and steamed hot dogs as your morning protein? Come ON. Would it kill you to warm some ham up at least? I really really love breakfast meats. Like there is not a bone in my body that wouldn't rank meats of the breakfast variety as far and away my favorite variety (versus lunch meats - cold cuts, or dinner meats - steak/chicken/pork). Breakfast sausage, bacon, ham, fuckin' scrapple, even turkey sausage and turkey bacon. Love it. Want it. Can't live without it.
But none of it is here. Not one little morsel of a sausage patty or a measely drip of bacon grease. It kills me. And on top of that, the eggs are extremely weird tasting. I can't quite put my finger on it - maybe I'm just used to the taste of eggs birthed by American superchickens at a rate of 6000/hour - but I don't like it in the least. I can't wait to eat a red, white, and blue-yoked American egg again. With some fuckin' scrapple.
Aite that's it for now. Time to start the engines again. I know I complained a lot, but I really am having a blast. It just isn't home, which is good and bad for more reasons than I can identify.
Stay thirsty my friends,
Fartin Jay
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