If a blog post gets written and nobody reads it, does it exist?

Remember that day the cleaning lady woke me up and I was 45 minutes late for my "appointment" at the Czech Foreign Police Station that took me an hour to find because it totally lacked any sort of identifying characteristics? And remember how I didn't bring my passport because I thought the program leader had it?

Well, today, I went back. This time I was accompanid by a Czech citizen, so the transportation went smoothly, but unlike last time when I just left in a fit of hungover frustation, this time I actually had to succumb to the frustation by the hand of the extremely well organized and expeditious bureaucratic agency indoors. And by extremely well-organized and expeditious, I mean ass-slow and traumatizing.

The three of us unfortunate souls (Czech, myself, another American) arrived at the station around 11a. We used the entrance that led to the room where the program-wide visa processing happened the last time, and unsurprisingly, the entire room was a queue. Not really a queue, so to speak, but more a sea of bodies desperately jocking for position in the direction of the service booth.

At this point, I was almost in the very back of the line, which sperm-tailed off the nucleus that was the 300 hundred person jostle in the distance.

After 30 minutes of standing in exactly the same spot, I decided to call a CIEE official and find out what the penalty was for not registering my Visa, because at the rate that fucking sea was moving, I would have had to wait for people in front of me to die before I got serviced. Good thing I placed that call because Miss Official told me there were two separate registration services within the agency: one for EU citizens (and caucasian-looking-enough Americans) and one for citizens of non-caucasian countries. Can you guess which one I was in?

The latter.

The racial dichotomy is pretty fucked up, especially considering the floor manager of the third-world branch was herding the patrons like sheep, but I was not concerned with liberte, egalite, and fraternite at this point -- I was concerned with getting my Visa registered before the close of business, which still almost didn't happen.

The white people branch had about 8 people in it when we arrived and took a number. Yet it still took the bearded man on the other side of the glass FOUR FUCKING HOURS to get to and through our numbers. I was astounded. Having lived here for a month, I've become pretty accustomed to slow service. And having acquired a driver's license and a car registration from the DC Department of Motor Vehicles, I am no stranger to slow bureaucratic agencies. But this guy redefined slow (pretty tall though).

Double-but, it's done. And as crazy aggravating as it was to watch this asshole chat up his female coworkers for 10 minutes between each customer, it's water under the bridge. Woo-Sah.

I got back to Vysehrad (neighborhood of my dorm and CIEE) around 4p (5 hours later, mind you) to discover that a scene from the upcoming Mission Impossible 4 was being shot underneath a large, open-air, stone edifice that I have to walk through to get from the dorms to class. Instead of following through on my strong urge to halt production of the fourth fucking Mission Impossible by hiding in the brush and making bird calls all afternoon, I went to class. But I did snap a memory on my way back down the hill:




Yup, I was within 7 feet of crazy-ass Tom Cruise's trailer, which was not very impressive, might I add.

And then I came back to the dorm and downloaded a bunch of music. I haven't really been much of a hypem hound lately, but today I felt I had to fill the void (because I'm a douchey music hipster, I know). Here's what I found, and here's what else I've been listening to the past couple weeks:

[Note: Blogger won't allow me to upload .MP3 files, and I'm not quite ready to make the move over to learning HTML for notverytallbutslow.com, so I'm just going to provide titles, and I'll leave it up to you to scour hypem or itunes.]

[Double-Note: As I have spent the past 2+ years of my life as a pretty dedicated, blog-obsessive music snob, I can't help but feel phony taking what I've found through hypem or elseware and just listing it on my own fledgling blog. But then again, I do love being the music guy, so I'm gonna do it anyway. Just as long as you know I feel kinda guilty, but not cripplingly guilty.]

From Hypem:

Wagon Wheel - Mumford & Sons [OCMS Cover] - A MUST download

Sunday Morning [Questlove Remix] - Maroon 5 - Funky beat under an old familiar. Questlove could remix Avenged Sevenfold and make it sound good.

The Nosebleed Section - Hilltop Hoods - UK hip-hop. Rhymes are dec, beat is nice.

Worry About You [Xaphoon Jones Remix] - 2AM Club - Not my man's best remix but I still think he's the most talented beatsmith out there right now (Did I just say out there?).

I Know You Want Me [DJ Napad Electro Remix] - Pitbull - I got this a while ago, but I don't think it's made a splash yet. It's most definitely late-night-basement-grungefest caliber.

Teething - Love Thy Brother - Shit is plain raw.

Show Me One [Laidback Luke Bootleg] - Swedish House Mafia - An excellent refix to an already legendary track.

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Taylor - Wiz Khalifa - I fuckin' dig his style. He could do well to rhyme about something besides smoking a shitload of weed, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Pretty dope video too:



Los Mashers:

Get Outta My Dream [Katy Perry vs. Kylie Minogue] - MD Officials - this is a winner.

I Want You Back vs. Starry Eyed [The Jackson 5 vs. Ellie Goulding] - Hulk Mash

Miracles - Norwegian Recycling - A DJ Earworm collage-type mashup. It get's pretty annoying after a minute and a half, but I gotta respect dude's technical ability. I once tried to mash up Tik Tok with Hypnotize (my musicianship knows no bounds...), and at no point did it sound coherent or melodic. It actually flabbergasts me that someone could take snippets from 18+ songs and make it sound somewhat enjoyable.

And a tribute to the song/artist I am guaranteed to hear every time I go out:

Ray No Speak Americano [Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP Vs. Ray Charles] - FAROFF - Clever, and not bad sounding.

Gypsy Moves [Original Mix] - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP - Newest single from the most overplayed duo since Hova and Alicia Keys. A nice track, but pretty similar to We No Speak.

Afro Nuts [DCUP Remix] - Yolanda Be Cool - Funky, international-flavored, house song.

We No Speak Americano [1ino1eum Remix] - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP - Dubsteez/thick synth remix. I like it.

From iTunes:

Hustle - Tunng - great happy jam.

St. James Infirmary - Allen Toussaint - I think I've listened to this every day for the past month. A delicate, mellow New Orleans classic that just sounds fucking right.

Hey Jude - Wilson Pickett - Better than the original in my opinion. My man Wilson had some pipes.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Beatles - Need I say more?

Enjoy the selections.

Marty