How do you follow up a $25 million gift--the largest in school history--to transform the undergraduate business school at Fordham? You rent a ram for a couple hours.
I would be pretty pumped if Mario Gabelli GSB '65 actually purchased a Ram and supplied Fordham with a mascot besides the short-fused asshole in the ram suit that casually assaults people (By the way, the visual of someone in that costume chasing a drunk kid out of McGinley Center with Jose the creepy sandwich guy and a mob of agitated, underpaid Sodexo employees in hot pursuit has had me LOLing in my room by myself for 4 solid minutes).
I mean, what's the upkeep on a ram? 10 large a year max? Mario's underwear drawer is probably worth more than 10k. But, no, his cold, multi-million-dollar heart didn't wanna spring for a full-time Ram; he just hired poor old Buster to wear a rug (excuse me, a "mantle") and hoof around Rose Hill in the rain for a few hours.
By the way, of all the names you could have given this handsome beast, you chose Buster? Really? You're presented with the rare opportuniy to name something with horns, and you come up with the most generic pet name in the history of pet naming? It's not even ironic like naming a captive bear "Honey." It's just wildly overused. I can think of about 300 names for a ram that are cooler than Buster: Ramblin' Ram; Rambler; Rampage; Trampler; Cam the Ram; Green Eggs and Ram; Rambo; Ram I Am. That took two minutes. I'm sure Buster would have felt a whole lot cooler for the past nine years if you put just the slightest effort into bestowing him with a unique title...
Anyway, for what it's worth, Fordham, I want my piece heard: if you and Greenbacks Gabelli are thinking about bringing a ram to Rose Hill permanently, the absolute last kind of creature we need is a docile one that waits in a van until its dry enough outside for commuters to pet him. I don't want Buster the ram. I want the Fordham Ram to be so god damn frightening that people stop considering rams to be a) mythological creatures, b) goats, or c) fat cartoons.
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| My man looks like he's about two mouthfuls of grain away from calling it quits on the hurdle and straight chillin' at Fordham (which, interestingly enough, is definitely a Fordham theme). |
On an entirely unrelated note, Isaac Hayes (God rest his soulful ass) was batshit fucking crazy.
But, alas, we didn't get Shaft the Ram or even a ram with a sweet human name like Joaquin. We got Buster. For the afternoon.
But I guess it was still pretty cool because they dished out b-school t-shirts and magnets. And Michelle Ioannou (how in the world do you pronounce that?), an FCRH sophomore, seemed to think a permanent Buster could shore up some of the dormant Ram spirit at Rose Hill: “I think he should be here all the time...Having an actual ram would help school spirit, especially at events like Homecoming and Spring Fling.”
I'm with you, Michelle; there is nothing more I would love to see after a day of boozing in the Bronx sunshine than a four-legged furry creature with horns, but you and I both know that's a pipe dream. How about we start with getting the name of Spring Weekend right, and then we'll see where school spirit stands.
Go Rams.
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